I just dance the way I feel

Dancing makes me so insanely happy. It is like a drug that runs through your veins, you can feel it pulse around your body, taking you over. Just like drugs (or so I hear) going on a trip can either be the most incredible euphoric experience, or it can all go terribly wrong. If you’ve never been on a bad trip then bully for you, I’m learning to love them. It’s the night when your feet won’t follow your brain, and even if they would, there is no guarantee that your dancing would be any smoother or coordinated. I’ve had multiple bad trips, and all I can hope is that it is just a bloody steep climb to a landing point of better dancing, until I take the next climb. And when I say multiple times, I meant the first 9 months of taking up lindy hop it has been 99% bad trip, yet I still got hooked on the dancing drug and have been coming back week after week.

My latest bad trip happened to me while social dancing on my birthday. On Wednesdays I tend to drive to woop woop to get my fix at one of my favourite clinics (aka social dance). After dancing twice already that day, and driving an hour down there my body and brain were shot, they were at a war, neither would listen to the other. To make matters worse, Im not the biggest fan of birthday dances. I get people want to celebrate their birthday, and that’s fine, but sometimes I simply don’t want to wait a whole song before I can dance again then there is the pressure! If I do dance with someone during his or her birthday dance I don’t want to mess it up for them, and chances are right now, that for the short period of time I dance with them, I probably will. So I had my first birthday dance on my birthday. The band was awesome, I was not… at all. Probably because I had done so few birthday dances with other people, I totally fudged it up. At one point I may have struggled just to stay on my feet. I just needed to keep reminding myself its about failing, not falling forward.

Then there are those sweet euphoric nights, the ones I love so much. A nights dancing when things just go right, all the moves seem to fall into places and happen with such fluid and ease of movement, as if I were dancing in the clouds. Recently I had one of those nights. It was on the weirdest day, I literally did not sleep the night before as I was so engrossed in a book and it was one that left my brain with an inability to switch off. Then I worked a full day and went dancing… to have one of my most favoured nights of dancing ever. It was just my local, with a few of the people I love most and I’m sure I made a heap of mistakes as usual, but it felt incredible. After being awake for 36 hours I should have been wrecked but my body was taking it like a machine and I was tingling and ready to go. I could feel the drug trickling though by blood, reaching every part of me.

This is how I find my qi. It waits there for me, on the dance floor, beckoning me to immerse myself.

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